One Second

Think about how long one second is. It took more time than that to write that sentence. That one second should ever be an issue outside of someone who works in bomb disarming seems ridiculous, doesn't it? But it is. I am still, STILL, one second away from passing agility. I'm getting frustrated, which I know I have to sublimate into something more productive, but the reason I'm frustrated is that I've been one second away for weeks now. Not being able to shave off even one second is wearing on me. It seems so small and insignificant. When I skate those 5 laps, I feel like I'm going as fast as I can without falling down. This is definitely a leg strength issue, so at least I know what I can do to improve, now I just have to do it!

I think I can pass blocking on Sunday, but if I pass blocking without passing agility, I still can't go to league practices! I really don't want to get stuck in a rut. I have to find a way to get to speed practices, I just have to. I really want to get cleared for everything so that I can get to those league practices. With as hard as it is for me to get out to the burbs for classes, it'd be amazing to just take two buses to the space for everything. Also, it would be a great chance to work with my league-mates and get to know everyone, and teams, better. I'm at the point where I feel like I'm about to progress a lot, and I'm impatient for it to happen. Perhaps because I feel so much closer to my goals now, they are right in front of me!

While practicing at the rink last night, I got to meet a lot of the new girls. It was great to see them all so excited and happy. They seem like a great group of women, and it will be fun to skate with them, if I don't get drafted. And with the draft only 6 days away now, I'm realizing that a growing part of me DOES want to get drafted, and for many reasons. It would be nice to have the validation, and to have things settled. It would be nice to be trained by my new team in the methods that they use. It would also be nice not to feel like the last kid picked in gym class. So yes, if I am not drafted, I may shed a few tears, or feel some disappointment. I didn't think I would. I guess that desire to be found worthy is stronger than reason and logic.