Draft Day

::cue ominous music::
It's finally here. It's draft day. It is an uncomfortable feeling. I know that all over the city and suburbs my friends and teammates are going through their day with the same nervous, upset stomach, the same lack of ability to concentrate, and the same fear of a nuclear emotional meltdown. Especially the girls who have been waiting the longest to be drafted. I think we've all made lists of who we expect to be taken, thought about what teams will take which people. We all think about the teams we'd like to be on, and how great it would be to get that phone call tonight. I'm also really starting to wonder how I will react when I don't get a call. Some of the people I skate with seem more invested in getting one than I am. I'm trying to remain calm and realistic. Notice I said trying.

In other news, I actually passed agility last night!! For real this time, I swear. I did my five laps in 50.3 seconds, which was deemed passing. I feel like I really figured some things out during the test, too. When I heard I passed, I started bawling with happiness. It's strange, in my life, I've done so many auditions that resulted in parts in shows, and I've won awards for various endeavors, but I think this is what I'm most proud of. I worked so damn hard on my form, my strength, and my mental process, and I was stuck in a rut for so long, that this really feels like the biggest accomplishment I've achieved. That may sound silly, but I think I value it so much because in no way does it come easily. And to have my teammates there cheering and giving me hugs was such an amazing feeling. I know I will feel that little bit better about myself going in to whatever comes next, be it home team practices or further farm team training. Overcoming a developmental plateau helps put things in perspective.

As for the blocking test I was so certain I'd pass, I did not. The circumstances of the test were very different from the last actual test, and the previous practice tests we'd done, and I let that throw me off enough that I didn't do as well as I should have. Hopefully for the next test, I'll be so prepared that any unforeseen changes won't phase me at all. I've come to realize that when I'm being tested for something, there will always be an aspect of the day, the test, or something, that isn't ideal. I will have a cramp in my leg, or things won't be at the speed I'm accustomed to, or I'll just be having an off day. The point of our training isn't to have a perfect test, it's to train us for roller derby. For having people smashing into you, falling in front of you, grabbing you and throwing you off balance, of skating while you feel tired and sore, and being able to put all that aside and do what needs to be done. From now on, I need to not look back at a test I don't pass and not say, "Oh, but that wasn't my fault because x was happening." In a bout, it doesn’t matter what outside thing is going on. You play, and you play your best.