I found out yesterday that there are 27 people trying out on Saturday. This number blows my mind! All my not-quite-so-latent-as-I-thought insecurities are coming back full blown into an inferno of self doubt. What if they're all better than me? What if my captains wake up one day, look at everyone else, look at me, and say "We don't know what we were thinking. Why don't you try shuffleboard instead?" All these ridiculous thoughts are chasing around in my head like my cat on catnip. I know that these fears are un-founded, I know my captains believe in me, and I know that I'm making progress I can be proud of. So what is my problem? If I had readers, now would be the time I'd ask them to commiserate with me about times they let their insecurities run rampant.
One of the ways I'm working to improve my skating and confidence is by improving my muscles. I'm taking a really intense gym class that focuses on strength training. I was assigned the heaviest weights out of the other women there. I'm using 15 pound weights, and could do more reps than almost anyone else there. It's so strange! My muscles are definitely feeling it, even two days later, but it's such a great feeling! The aching lets me know that what I'm doing is having a real impact. I'm actually beginning to enjoy the process of working out, too. When I'm drenched in sweat, muscles twitching from exertion, I'm happy. I'm tangibly working towards my goals.
I think I'm still adjusting to the idea of myself as an athlete. I still have trouble with the concept that I belong there with these amazing, tough, ballsy women. But you know what? I do.
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