Why I have a derby name

Derby names are an interesting part of roller derby. I feel like they are both a help, and a hindrance to the sport. Some people don't take us seriously, playing under pseudonyms, and other people are drawn to the sense of fun they represent. Most skaters have derby names, so the few that skate under their legal names stand out. At first there was no question in my mind, I would have a derby name. Then, as I started skating, and met skaters of both groups, it made me think more about why I have one, and what it means to me.

The name you were given at birth, whether you realize it or not, represents something specific. It represents someone who acts a certain way, has a certain personality, conforms to certain expectations. To me, my name represents someone generally polite, introspective, sarcastic, non-confrontational, slightly insecure, bookish, and nerdy. Overall, I like the me this name represents. I'm comfortable in this skin. When I started derby, it was so far out of my comfort zone that I had to find new ways to think about and handle things. Out of this struggle, my alter ego was born. In situations where my day to day self was ill equipped, She stepped in, stepped up, and got me through it. She's a conglomeration of things I admire, and things I've learned. She is a lot tougher than I am, she can do things I'd never dreamed of doing. Or really, WE can. She and I have merged, to a certain degree. I find I'm much more confident in my day to day life. I expect more of myself now, and I feel much more in control of my life. Some days I'm more me, some days I'm more her, but either way, I'm stronger.

Back in the Skate Boot

Well, I haven't written much lately because first, there was not much to write about, then there was too much! I have been off skates for the last three weeks due to my rib injury, which ended up being torn cartilage in my floating rib cage. I went to the rink last night, though, to mess around and see what I was capable of doing. It was so wonderful to be back on skates! I worked on eagles and socialized for two hours. I think I made some progress on eagles, and got my skate legs back, so I call that a successful evening. I got a bit sore at the end, and sat out for the last 15 minutes or so.

This past weekend, my league also hosted the 2010 Championships for WFTDA. It was amazing. To see teams of that caliber come together, and to see all the different play styles was so inspiring. Other than having a purse thief on the loose, the weekend went off pretty much without a hitch. I was so proud to see all the hard work of our league come together in such a great way. I also heard a lot of people talking about how well organized everything was. Our All-Stars only got to play one bout, which was sad, but what a bout it was! We lost, but we had played the same team 3 weeks earlier, and this time lost by 50 less points, so progress was made. Regardless of the score, I was proud because our team never quit fighting for an instant. The actual Championship bout was unbelievable! I'll never forget how the entire stadium was on their feet cheering during the last 30 seconds of that game. The whole place was charged with incredible energy, and it was wonderful to be a part of it.

In other news, it appears there will be a draft by the end of the year. Seeing as how that really isn't all that far off, it's time to ramp up the training again! It will definitely help having two practices a week just for the training team. If I do speed every week as well, and at least one league practice, that's 4 practices a week, and should definitely have noticeable impact. Unfortunately my strength training class at the gym at work has ended, but I'm changing my schedule a bit at work so that I can take all the classes I want during lunch breaks. I think I'll do circuit training, cardio kickboxing, boot camps, and total body sculpt. Or perhaps the yoga/pilates class. I'm excited!
And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Training is hard

While this may not be a revelation, it's something I never fully appreciated until I was living it. It's not just the constant sore muscles, or the physical fatigue, it's mental. All your focus is on this one thing, and this thing is something that takes time to see results with. I think this is the hardest part for me. As hard as I try to not expect instant gratification, there is a part of me that is really impatient. To put this much work into something, I want to see it pay off! I do see the progress over the last several months. That helps me to retain focus, but I have days where I get grumpy, and feel like I’m not getting the kind of return on my time that I'd like. These are the days I sometimes have to give myself permission to be lazy. It doesn't happen often, so I really appreciate those days when I have them. I had one Saturday, and I felt rested and ready to get back out there Sunday.


I had a much better practice Sunday than I did Thursday. My muscles were much more responsive, even considering the 15 minutes I spent doing lunges with weights, and the extra strength yoga. I'm really seeing results from my strength training class. My core is stronger, and up downs are SO much easier because of that and increased upper body strength. I can do pushups, my planks are much more solid, and I can skate much lower with much less back pain. I'm seeing stronger crossovers, and stronger one leg skating. That being said, I still have so far to go. At least it seems much more attainable now. It's so wonderful to have those "Aha!" moments where everything comes clear, I have to keep in mind that those moments will continue to happen with things that are a struggle now.

It's also been helping me to not think of all the things I have yet to master as individual tasks. If I instead break those things down into the basic skills they require, it seems so much easier. Such as the step from one foot to the other before blocking, crossovers, and mohawks are all about skating on one leg. Really, most skills in derby are about skating on one leg. So instead of thinking of all the separate parts, I can focus on becoming a stronger one leg skater. It's so much less stressful to think about that way, and cuts down on my mental noise during practice. I only have to concentrate on one thing at a time

Balance

This has never been my strong suit. Not in any sense of the word. Balanced meals, balance between work and down time, balance as in not falling down, none of these things come naturally. This was made abundantly clear to me again last night.

Since last Sunday, I have skated 9.5 hours and had a strength training class. This means that I have not had any time off since last Saturday. Now, a normal, mentally balanced person would probably at some point in this week say "Hmm, I should probably take a break and listen to the fact that every muscle in my body hurts." But no. Not me. I had to have some sense literally hit into me last night.

 I have read countless times in my quest for sports type knowledge that the way to train is to push yourself, then have recovery time. I have been so concerned with how much I still need to improve, that I've been pushing without letting myself recover. My first sign should have been that at practice last night I was having trouble with drills that are usually not only easy, but fun for me. Then, when I tried to re-test for blocking, even though I got in some really solid blocks, I could tell that my muscles were fatigued, and I was fighting cramps and aches the whole time. I talked with my blocking tester and coach, and we decided to stop the test where we were, and pick it back up again another time from where we left off. My coach said that I'm not ready for blocking practice yet, and that I need to work on getting my agility stronger and more consistent, which is 100% true, but never fun to hear.

I got so caught up in my grand plan of how I was going to work so hard and blow everyone away with my progress, that I didn't give myself permission to rest. This is especially bad, because my body's response to being over-tired is to cry. My teammates must think I cry into my cereal every morning and weep inconsolably at sappy commercials, they've seen me tear up so many times at practices.

My focus is now going to be on balance. Both the life, and the not falling down kinds.

Ruminations

I've been looking at my schedule for this week and feeling pretty pleased with myself. I've got agility practice tonight, strength training tomorrow, speed Wednesday, speed and practice Thursday, more strength training Friday, and practice Sunday. I may find something to do Saturday, too, just to make the week solid. I love knowing I'm working towards my goals. That's always been a problem for me in the past. I get excited about things, but don't follow through. It's another way that I know derby is for me. I can't not follow through, I love everything about it.
I also get to re-test for blocking on Thursday, which makes me happy. I know I have the ability to pass, I just have to keep my head in the right place during my test. Once I pass, I can go to league blocking and pack awareness classes, which will be invaluable. Also, I'll be able to fully participate in home team practices, so the teams can get to know me, and I can get to know them. Our coach often urges us NOT to attend some of the practices available to us once we've passed, however, because once you're in blocking practices, your chances of getting injured go up. At the same time, not going to practices makes captains think you don't have enough interest, or aren't committed. It's an interesting situation. At least all the strength training I've been doing will help prevent or lessen injuries in my upper body. Though I really need to be working my ankles more, to prepare for these practices.
It's interesting skating with the new people. Especially since I know I was in the same position 4-5 months ago. They're less steady, more skittish, and much more prone to grab people when they fall down. I found myself getting frustrated at practice yesterday because of these things. I had to take a step back and think about how I was when I first started. I still make mistakes now. They will learn, just as I did, what to do and not do. It's also odd because while we're all working on basics, we still get split up for some drills so that we can work on the more advanced things we've learned. Our coaches deserve a lot of credit for basically teaching two classes at the same time.
As much as I enjoy working on blocking for most of our practice time, it's also nice to be working on fundamentals of skating again. No matter how good you are, you can always learn more by working on the basics. I know my crossovers still need work, and it's good to focus on them again. It also brings home your weak areas in a way our more advanced practices didn't. For example, I really need to buff up my one leg skating. This will help with blocking, crossovers, agility, everything! It's easy to see how everything is connected at this level, and how improving one thing leads to so many others.

Hurdles

This whole process, from the first time I strapped on my skates again, to the tests I have to pass, have been physical and mental hurdles. I'm facing another big one now. My body. I'm in the strength training class, and it's having a great effect on my muscles. The problem is, they're still covered in squish. What's the point of having lovely bulging muscles if I can't see them? Plus, my belly fat is getting to be a big cause of grumpiness. I have lost a lot of fat and gained a lot of muscle since I started this journey, but if I want to take myself to that next level, I need to work harder on making my body more able to handle what I’m making it do. I have a two hour practice every Sunday, and my class is two days a week for 25 minutes each time. I also often do at least one other workout activity during the week. I was feeling down this morning because I feel like it's not having enough of an effect. Then I did some reading between moping, and realized the big thing I'm missing from my workout routine. I'm not getting enough cardio. Our weekly practice helps with this some, definitely, but if I'm going to increase my endurance and shave off some fat, I need to add more cardio. I'm still figuring out how I'm going to incorporate this, since I hate running with a passion, but I'll get there. Getting to more speed practices will definitely help, too.
I went and bought some basic home workout equipment. Resistance bands, a big yoga ball, stuff like that. I still need heavier weights, and a medicine ball. A bosu ball would be nice, but I'm trying to keep this cheap! One of my skater buddies was awesome and gave me a huge list of exercises I can do at home with little or no equipment that specify what muscles and groups they target. So armed, I can plan exercise schedules for myself, feeling confident that I'm actually doing some good. Another problem with the lack of athletic background was not knowing what all my muscles even are, or how to target them. I felt overwhelmed at the beginning when we were told all the different things we should be doing on our own time. I was like a child learning adding and subtracting, who was trying to do algebra. I understand so much more now about my body, about how to work out, and about what things are supposed to feel like. It's amazing. I feel almost like I've learned another language. I finally feel confident enough in all that I've learned to really put it to use. It's strange and exciting.

Upheaval

Yaaay! The draft is over! It's amazing how relieved everyone is about that, no matter how things worked out for them. The weight of the wait has been lifted, the dust has settled, and emotions are returning to normal levels. I thought a lifetime of auditions would prepare me for draft, but this was unlike anything I've ever done before.

First off, no I did not get drafted, but that's ok. Really, it is. I remember how hard and scary training team practices were when I first started, and I know that as we get ramped up for the home season, the home team practices are going to get more like those first training team practices were. While I know now that I can handle it, I'd rather go into it feeling more prepared. I know I still have a long way to go in my training, and I'd rather join a home team when I've improved more. So next draft, look out!

Really, the hardest part of this has been seeing how upset my other non-drafted teammates have been. I've gotten so close to these girls over the last 8 months, that it's hard to see them hurting. But, as the league says, we're going to rub some dirt in it and get back on the track. We're going out to dinner Friday to re-group and get our heads on straight. There are only 5 of us left. We start regular practices on Sunday with the new girls, which will be an interesting experience. It will be good to get back to basics of form and strength. You can never practice these things enough, and they can only make you a better skater. It will be odd, though, to start over with a new group of people.

My focal points, this time around are strength, and form. Bring on the lunges and supermans, the one foot crossovers, the wall sits, and the sticky skate exercises! I'm going to be a derby machine.